I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
