so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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