watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
