You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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