I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
