Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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