how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
