Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
