i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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