They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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