my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
