i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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