If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
