so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
