I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
