Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
