I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
