we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
