I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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