we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
