at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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