I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
