i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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