i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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