Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
