We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
