she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
