im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
birth control should be required to get into college
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
