Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
