his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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