Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
