Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
