i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
