scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
