i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
