You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
