Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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