Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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