Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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