the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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