I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
