Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
