smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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