My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
