I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
