I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
