When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
