My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
