i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
