Your mouth is God's brothel.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
