I got chris browned last night
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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