i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
