omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
