so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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