Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
