Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
