So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
