I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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